I recently was diagnosed with PTSD. This summer I went through a 12 week therapy/parenting course where my therapist told me that taking in my brother has triggered the trauma of my traumatic childhood and that the two of us are probably triggering one another without even realizing it.
The diagnosis was actually a relief. One more thing I can blame my biological parents for. There’s something so self-deprecating about depression that having more of an understanding as to why it’s been taking over my life this last year opens up a door to self-care. So many people told me when Dom first moved in with me that I needed to take care of myself… I didn’t know what that meant until recently.
Unlike parents who have babies who then grow into teenagers and have years of cute little moments to love and cherish their young before they turn into hormonal monsters; Dom and I were thrown into a new family life and structure without a rule book.
Additionally, it’s stressful being the only financial provider for one's family. While running my own business affords me the opportunity to attend every water polo game and run errands; it isn't always consistent. After I came back from Morocco, I had to move into a new apartment in under two weeks. It was expensive and stressful. Some friendships ended and I began to realize who would love me at my worst.
To add salt to the wound, I lost two thirds of my income in June. I’ve never owned my own business before. I was lucky at how fast things took off a couple years ago. If I’m being honest, I should have been more responsible. The reality is I was just a foster kid making more money than I ever had in my life. Basically, I was running around like a real estate agent right before the economy crashed in 2008.
Part of self-care is accepting your mistakes and forgiving yourself.
Luckily, things are looking up but that’s why the website was down. It’s crazy how one minute you can go from not being able to afford food and getting your groceries from a food bank to potentially making more money than you were the year prior. I’m still working this shit out, but I guess that’s life right?!
So that’s my update friends! I still have some good stories from Morocco to come and want to thank all of you for your loyalty.