Lately I’ve been posting a lot on instagram. Whether its been running or doing my morning pages people keep saying, “Wow, I can’t believe you are up that early!” And yes, 4:30 am is early but its the only way I can get exercise and my writing practice in before I head to work. I love my job, it’s super cool but requires a lot of focus. I’m my best when my plate is full to the brim. It’s balancing act really.
4:30 am isn’t unachievable and my exercise routine DID NOT happen overnight. This time last year I was so depressed I couldn’t get out of bed. We are talking a deep depression, that had been lingering for about two years. I hit rock bottom.
I gained 20 lbs. By the time I finally got out of bed, I would head into town complete my work and start drinking. I was heavily self-medicating with alcohol.
I’ve had three major mental breakdowns in my life. The first one was when my biological family fell apart, the second was me trying to get out of very unhealthy relationship with my college boyfriend. And the most recent one, was after taking in my teenage brother.
It has taken me a year to get where I am today. How did I do it? I started by writing lists. I would write a list of all the things I needed to do in the day. Get out of bed, check. Brush my teeth, check. Make my bed (so it isn’t so easy to get back into), check.
Next, I took an audit of the people around me. The universe definitely guided me there. I had a falling-out with a friend who was one of my mirrors. People are a reflection of how you see yourself. Audit your life, are their people in your life bringing you down? This falling-out changed the trajectory of my life.
During this time I also was choosing to date and be intimate with people who wouldn’t commit to me, who weren’t showing-up in their own lives, let alone capable of showing up in mine.
The people you choose to surround yourself with can be the very best or worst reflection of who you are in that very moment...Mirrors.
I took an audit of the top 6 people I spent most time with and slowly started to replace them with friends and family who encouraged me and loved me unconditionally. I started spending more time in Sacramento with fellow entrepreneurs. I took myself on artist dates, dove into the nonprofit I was working for and started spending my weekends in the Bay Area. And in 3 months, I slowly started to vibrate at a higher frequency. Meaning, I was finally getting back to my old self before the depression swept-in.